I was Harassed While Traveling Solo in Jordan
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Solo Travel in Petra, Jordan
It’s 6:00 am and I’m about to meet a guide in Petra, one of the most famous archeological sites in the world, for a private horseback riding tour. I feel like Indiana Jones and I’m loving it.
I was in Petra a few days ago with my friend from Tel Aviv but I had to drive her back to the Israel-Jordan border. Since I have plenty of time left in Jordan, and a rental car at my disposal, I figured I’d head back to Petra for another day. So here I am.
On my first visit here with my friend, we did a lot, including two major hikes (the Treasury viewpoint hike, which is the most famous monument in Petra, and the Monastery hike).
Horseback Ride to the High Place of Sacrifice
The only trail left that I want to do is the High Place of Sacrifice. I found a tour company with great reviews that does horse trail rides up to a viewpoint of the Place of High Sacrifice. I love horseback riding (although I’m not super amazing at it), so I reached out to the company to see if they had a group tour happening today. They didn’t have anyone else booked, but it was a pretty reasonable price for a private tour, so I decided to go for it on my own.
I arrive at the meeting spot a little before 6 am and wait. My tour guide arrives and introduces himself, and then we walk to the horses to start our ride. So far, so good.
As with many guides, his English is just good enough to hold a conversation, which I’m always grateful for since I only speak English fluently. He helps me saddle up and we are on our way. He seems nice.
It is supposed to be a three-hour ride, and just the two of us, so naturally we are chit-chatting a bit. It starts out with the normal stuff. He asks me where I’m from, how long I’m in Jordan, whether I am here alone, etc. It isn’t long before I get the question that all solo female travelers receive: “Are you married?”
It isn’t long before I get the question that all solo female travelers receive: “Are you married?”
Are You Married?
I see a lot of debate about how solo female travelers should answer this question online. Some women will always say they are married. They’ll even sometimes wear a fake wedding ring to deter unwanted male attention. I usually feel comfortable being honest that I’m single, but it depends on the situation and what vibes I’m getting. I’ve definitely said my husband is waiting for me at the hotel more than once. Always trust your gut.
In this case, I answer the question honestly. It’s not uncommon or strange that people in a more traditional type of culture would be curious about this, and I enjoy exchanging cultural information with people. Curiosity goes both ways. And it’s not common in Jordan that an unmarried woman would go solo traveling around the world, so I can understand why a Jordanian would be interested to know more.
It’s not common in Jordan that an unmarried woman would go solo traveling around the world.
At first, I am happy to answer.
But then the questions keep coming:
- “Do you have a boyfriend?”
- “How many boyfriends have you had?”
- “When was your last boyfriend?”
- “How many boys have you dated who weren’t your boyfriend?”
This is when I start to feel uncomfortable.
I wish I respond a little more sternly and say that these are very personal questions and that I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation with him. But that’s not how I handle it. I ask him some questions back and tried to change the subject. It doesn’t work at first, but eventually, it does and we move on to more comfortable topics.
That was the end of it…or so I thought
At the end of the ride, he invites me out later tonight. I can’t tell if he is inviting me as a tourist (like how another Petra local invited me and my friend to a dinner at his home a few nights ago), or as something else, so I tell him to message me with the information and the prices. I say I will get back to him, but that I will probably be having dinner at my guest house tonight. Then he makes it clear that he is inviting me on a date. I say again that I am having dinner at my guesthouse tonight.
I pay him for the tour – even throw in a tip – and say goodbye. I thought that was the end of things.
But very soon after we part, he texts me. He asks how the tour was, so I respond that it was good, and thank you. Then he asks me if I already had breakfast or if I will be going back to my guesthouse. When I don’t respond, he calls me. When I don’t respond to that, he messages me a couple more times asking why I am not responding. This is really starting to aggravate me so I block him so that he can’t message me anymore.
I Report Him to the Tour Owner
A few days later, I message the tour company owner to let him know that the guide had made me uncomfortable and that he probably needs more training before continuing to work as a tour guide with solo female travelers. I give him the rundown of what happened and say that my expectation is that my tour guides are professional and make me feel safe. He responds immediately about how sorry he is for my experience, how inappropriate that was, and that he won’t be working with this guide anymore (it’s not someone he works with regularly anyways). I thank him for responding and tell him that overall I had a lovely time and that he probably just needs more cultural training.
A few days later, I discuss this experience with one of my Jordanian accommodation hosts, and he says he isn’t surprised this happened to me.
He tells me that many Muslim men in Jordan are not permitted to interact with women, sometimes not even their family members. He says that some of these men are so unused to any female attention, even just friendly attention, that if you talk to them “they think they’re in love with you”.
I’m not sure how much he was exaggerating, but I get the point he’s trying to make. And it makes sense to me.
Did I Feel Unsafe?
No, I never felt unsafe with this guide, and overall I had a good experience with the horse. But I did feel uncomfortable and annoyed, and I wish that I could have felt more relaxed so that I could fully enjoy the experience. I know I’m not alone in feeling this, and that this won’t be the last time. Unfortunately for women, it’s not uncommon for men to cross boundaries and make us feel uncomfortable.
In this case, I really don’t think the guide intended to make me uncomfortable. I just think he lacks some social skills, and that is a problem for someone who works with tourists for a living.
Men, especially men who work with tourists, if you’re reading this:
Please be aware that just because a woman is being friendly toward you, this does not give you permission to ask her inappropriate questions or to harass her with text messages. Know that it’s not always easy being a solo female traveler and that you have a responsibility as a guide and even just as a human being to be respectful to all women.
Jordanians Are So Friendly and Welcoming
It’s important to me that you know that the people of Jordan have been some of the most welcoming people I’ve met so far – and I’ve been to more than 40 different countries. In Jordan, I’ve been invited into family homes for meals and to celebrate Eid. I hear “Welcome to Jordan” about a million times a day. But it’s a different culture and sometimes these awkward situations happen. As I become a more experienced traveler, I think I’ll get better and better at navigating these situations.
I hope that sharing some of these real stories will help those of you who plan to solo travel. Social media sometimes makes solo travel seem easy and perfect, and that’s definitely not the case. The more we talk about these moments, the more we will be ready for them in the future. Or maybe even help prevent them one day.
Would love to hear about your personal experiences in the comments below!